“Gratitude, being nearly the greatest of human duties, is also nearly the most difficult.”  ¹

G.K. Chesterton penned these words almost a century ago. His pithy comment invites debate.

The “difficult” part is not hard to agree with. Most of us (myself included) would rather call a friend to complain on a bad day than write in a gratitude journal. It doesn’t seem to matter how much research there is to show us the scientific healing wonders of gratitude — we struggle to do it, to feel it. Some of us more than others.

There are plenty of things most of us see as a moral obligation: tolerance, courtesy, being slow to complain when the line at In N’ Out is taking longer than you’d hoped. But gratitude? For what should we be grateful, and why — especially if we don’t feel particularly thankful?

Gratitude may be one of the most confusing virtues in existence; I’m convinced it has to do with the fact that we view gratitude as both a mindset and a spontaneous emotion. Not to mention an excess of gratitude can lead to toxic positivity, and worse.

And yet, I agree with Chesterton. Gratitude is a duty, and understanding it as such lies in understanding the true meaning of “duty”: another very misunderstood word.

Duty and self-interest are not opposed

In his “Metaphysics of Morals”, Kant declares:

“Gratitude is a duty. It is not merely a prudential maxim of encouraging the other to show me further beneficence by acknowledging my obligation to him for a favor he has done, for I would then be using my acknowledgment merely as a means to my further purpose.” ²

I find this definition interesting, because Kant’s point is that gratitude shouldn’t depend on extrinsic motivators — and yet we typically don’t think of doing things out of “duty” as doing them for their own sake. What Kant seems to be saying is that we shouldn’t make gratitude conditional on the other person’s response. We should do it out of generosity and goodwill.

But are “duty” and genuine feeling compatible? Here is Nietzsche, with his rather cynical theory that gratitude is actually a form of revenge:

The powerful man feels gratitude for the following reason: through his good deed, his benefactor has, as it were, violated the powerful man’s sphere and penetrated it. Now through his act of gratitude the powerful man requites himself by violating the sphere of the benefactor. It is a milder form of revenge. Without the satisfaction of gratitude, the powerful man would have shown himself to be unpowerful and henceforth would be considered such. For that reason, every society of good men (that is, originally, of powerful men) places gratitude among its first duties. ³

Or more plainly: Gratitude is a form of leverage. We “repay” the debt of another’s good deed by showing them we’re grateful.

Many of us think of gratitude as an acknowledgement of debt, but according to Nietzsche, gratitude is a form of repayment. We say “thank you” not just to be polite, but to neutralize someone’s kind words or actions toward us. It’s almost like an incantation: “Thank you” puts an end to the conversation. We don’t need to engage with them further.

I think both Nietzsche and Kant are correct in their own way. Gratitude has a practical benefit for humanity, but it’s also beneficial on an individual level (otherwise, gratitude would be even more of a difficulty than it already is!)

For gratitude to really work, it must make us happy; and science shows us that it does, over and over. Those who count their blessings and record in their journals things they’re grateful for experience an increased sense of satisfaction and well-being. ⁴ Not only that but gratitude and life satisfaction, in general, seem to have a mutually reinforcing relationship that’s been described as “a circle of virtue” ⁵ and a “spiral of human flourishing.” ⁶ No wonder Cicero described gratitude as “the mother of all other remaining virtues.”

The problem with gratitude is not that it fails to make us happier or the world a better place — it’s that we aren’t sure where gratitude should end and discontent begins.

The balance between gratitude and progress

Like any virtue (including contentment), gratitude has its extremes.

Perhaps the strongest counter-argument is that it can lead to complacency or worse — ignorance. Focusing too much on the positive, you could argue, makes us oblivious to endangered species, victims of warfare, rising income inequality, and innumerable other crises.

Or consider the problem at a macro level:

Is the wife in a stagnant marriage content or merely resigned to her situation when she “counts her blessings” to help her cope? Is the young college student struggling with depression in genuine need, or are they merely being ungrateful? Gratitude can seem like a suspiciously convenient panacea when a parent, authority figure, or even a friend uses it to wave off a trouble or a disappointment you’re facing. “It could be worse,” they tell you, inviting you to be creative in imagining all the ways (or worse yet, handing you an actual pen and paper). The prescription for exercising gratitude is too often used to elude the need for empathy – another admittedly difficult virtue. 

Beyond this, in an increasingly hectic world, gratitude can seem irrelevant, or even Pollyanna-ish.  It might even come across as offensive depending on how you frame your gratitude.

If the idea of “always being grateful” makes you hesitate because of all the failings in the world, think of gratitude not as a way to ignore the wrongs surrounding you, but as a shot in the arm to have the energy to right those wrongs.

I find this unfortunate. There is no inherent contradiction between being grateful for good things and resolving to fix or improve the things that aren’t good. If anything, gratitude helps us stay in whatever fight we’re in much longer than dissatisfaction alone. If the idea of “always being grateful” makes you hesitate because of all the failings in the world, think of gratitude not as a way to ignore the wrongs surrounding you, but as a shot in the arm to have the energy to right those wrongs.

More than two millennia ago, Epicurus warned, “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

I interpret his admonition not to mean that we shouldn’t want more, but that we must appreciate what we have, even as we pursue new things. Life is debilitating when we only focus on what’s not-yet-there. Gratitude doesn’t just make us better world citizens, as Kant suggests — it keeps us from burning out.

So, is gratitude a duty? I argue it is: a duty we have just as much to ourselves as to others. It is a duty because it is a difficulty. And like many difficult things, it makes us better and wiser people the more we practice it — while a life without gratitude is far more difficult in the long run.

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Read Next: Why Bronze Medalists Are Happier →

1. From his essay, “Christmas and Salesmanship.”
2. Kant, I. (1996). The metaphysics of morals (M. Gregor, Ed. & Trans.). Cambridge University Press.
3. From Human, All Too Human.
4. Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. Read here.
5. Unanue, W., Mella, M. E. G., Cortez, D. A., Bravo, D., Araya-Véliz, C., Unanue, J., & Van den Broeck, A. (2019). The reciprocal relationship between gratitude and life satisfaction: Evidence from two longitudinal field studies. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, Article 2480. Read here.
6. Templeton Foundation. (2018). Gratitude: A white paper. John Templeton Foundation. Read here.